Broken Hearted Regret contest entry

I wish I could take it back. Everyday since it happened, the memory plays in my mind each time I close my eyes.

This is my fault and I know it.
If I could go back in time, if I could have stopped myself from picking up the notebook that day, even if it means I'd never know you, at least you would've been safe. I can see you falling from your chair, I held you in my arms,looked into your dark eyes and smiled as you realized who I am.

"Ryuzaki!"I shouted as the members of the taskforce gathered around us, the true is, A part of me died too, I smiled because if I hadn't, I would've broken down in tears. Holding you like I did wasn't part of the act, I had wanted to for a long time, it was my only chance. If Kira was to continue to exist, you had to be stopped. I know you'd understand that.

You closed your beautiful eyes to slip into your eternal sleep, never again to open them, I loved you. You once asked me if there was ever a day in my life that I told the truth, yes I love you Ryuzaki, that is the truth.

I loved being close to you, you were different,you understood. I allowed you to die,it should have been me.I won't ask you to forgive me, I don't deserve it. You were right, I am just a murderer, there, I've given you the confession you wanted, now come back. My heart is in so much pain, I never dreamed it could hurt so bad.  Please, the world needs you, I need you.

I need you to come back and - the case is still open, no one else knows it but you've won, You defeated me and the world won't ever know.
I'm sorry  I try to hide my pain but everyone can see it, they just don't know the truth behind it. They tell me that they understand my fear, but they don't. I'm not afraid to die, it's living without you that scares me. I know it sounds strange but it's true.

I come see you every chance I get, I stand there look at that stone, unmarked cold marble.
I can't stand the thought of you lying in that box, I should be there.

if I met you on the other side, would you hate me as much as I hate myself? Would you surprise me as usual and forgive me anyway? You were full of surprises. Until the day we meet again, the game continues but I have a feeling I'll be seeing you again soon.

Everyday leading to the end will bring me heart ache. I still expect to find you in your chair, eating some type of sweets and talking about the case with the taskforce. I know you won't be there, wishful thinking I suppose.

I guess all that's left is to say a final goodbye
Goodbye L, greatest of all detectives, I hope you rest in peace, you were amazing and I'm sorry it ended this way.

Light  stared at the grave silently, in his hand, a single red rose was held.
"I don't know if you ever really knew anything about this, but Roses are to remember in situations like this, I picked red because it's the color of the heart you broke the day you slipped away, the color represents love. I love you." Light laid the flower against the stone as tears fell from his eyes  and landing on the ground above L.

"If love could have saved you, you would have been immortal. If I could bring you back, I'd tell you everything  . Stop this please, a part of me is waiting for you to come out from behind something and tell me that you just wanted a confession, that you're alright. I know you won't but- I have to get back before they start to wonder. But I had to come and tell you." Light wiped his eyes and took a deep breath before walking away, no one could ever know his secrets.